Tolkien's Discoveries
by The MoonCat
Summary: This is a story about J.R.R Tolkiens discovering what has become of his books.
1. The Fellowship of the Ring

Author's Chapter Notes:

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

Ok, Day One: Watching The Fellowship of the Ring with Tolkien. (Oh, and I want everyone to know I'm not dissing the movies. I LOVE THE MOVIES! It's just supposed to be funny.)  
Oh, and this probably won't make much sense to you if you haven't read the books.

"Well, they finally made it."  
"Made what?"  
"The movie,"  
"What movie?"  
"The movie of Lord of the Rings, of course!"  
"Oh no." Tolkien is clearly shocked. "Did they utterly destroy it till there was nothing left?"  
"Well, you better decide for yourself," I say. "So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show."

I slide the DVD into the player. Soon the menu pops up. I'm about to hit play, but Tolkien interrupts.  
"What's "Special Features"?  
"Oh, that," I respond. "Well you see, nowadays people aren't satisfied with just a movie. They have to go behind the scenes and see other stuff."  
"Strange," Tolkien muses.  
"Not really," I respond. "They're actually rather fun. But for now, we're just going to watch the movie." I hit play and the movie starts. Tolkien watches, wide- eyed. It plays through the intro and he seems pleased.

"Nice intro," he comments. "Although Sauron could have been scarier."

Then the real movie begins, zooming in on the Shire. "That's the Shire," I explain to Tolkien.  
"I know," is the reply. "I like how it's portrayed. There's a hobbit reading under a tree. Really adds to the atmosphere. "  
"That's Frodo," I say.  
"WHAT?! Surely not!"  
"It is."  
"Are you seriously saying that's Frodo? Why, that hobbit could be his grandchild! He looks 18."  
"He is," I explain. "They had to make him that young. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been cute enough and the movie wouldn't have been very popular."  
"Oh."  
We watch Gandalf come by in his cart and pick Frodo up. As they travel through the Shire, Tolkien seems to calm down after the shock of Frodo's age. They travel through the Shire and come to the hobbit hole.

Tolkien leans forward. "Well, at least Bilbo looks right. And the hobbit hole's not too bad either."  
Then the long expected party begins. Tolkien smiles as fireworks burst into the air and Bilbo makes his speech. Later, when Gandalf talks to Bilbo and then Frodo about the ring, he nods and is impressed. He is a bit confused when Frodo and Sam set out on their journey without Pippin, but doesn't seem to mind that much when Merry and Pippin just turn up. He likes how they did the Nazgul and how they show the chase. But then, the hobbits suddenly arrive in Bree, and Tolkien is obviously flustered. "What happened? Did I miss something?" he asks. "Where are Farmer Maggot and the Old Forest and Tom Bombadill and the Barrowdowns?"

"They had to cut it," I explain. "Or the movie would have been too long."  
"But I spent a lot of work on those bits! The story isn't complete without Tom Bombadill, the merry fellow, whose boots are yellow!"  
"Don't worry," I assure him. "People still read your books. But, I agree, it is a shame."

The movie goes on. The hobbits go to the inn and meet the bartender. Tolkien comments that the Prancing Pony pub seems a little too gloomy and uninviting, but that the events seem okay. Then, after Aragorn makes his appearance, he speaks again. "What's going on? I never intended to write Aragorn that young and good-looking. Doesn't anyone remember: 'All that is gold does not glitter?' "

"But I've already explained," I protested."They had to do it to make the movie successful."  
"I suppose so, "Tolkien mutters and sits back down.  
The movie jumps to Gandalf and Saruman. Tolkien sits patiently through the conversation, then jumps up. "Did I hear that last line right? Did Saruman REALLY say, "We must join with Sauron."?

"That he did," I tell him. "They thought it would be more dramatic that way."

"But that's not how I wrote it at all! Saruman doesn't want to join with Sauron. The ring is too powerful for that. Saruman wants to rule over alone."

"They thought it would be more dramatic," I repeat. "Now watch, soon they're going to have some sort of wizard fight." Tolkien gapes but remains silent. The movie goes on like this, with Tolkien making occasional comments.

He is again confused when Arwen arrives. "Where's Glorfindel?" he questions.  
"Glorfindel doesn't exist in these movies," I tell him. "They gave his role to Arwen."

Then when Elrond enters, Tolkien seems perturbed. "Who is that?" he asks. "Is that the Mouth of Sauron? He looks so evil."  
"That's Elrond," I explain.  
"What is with those strings of hair hanging over his face?"

"I think they are some sort of Elvish custom," I say. "They symbolize his wisdom."

When the fellowship of the ring is formed, he doesn't object. "Gimli and Legolas look just right," he comments. "And Boromir's not too bad either."

Then the Fellowship comes to Moria. When Frodo figures out the secret of the doors, Tolkien's face hardens.  
"What is it now?" I ask him.  
"Why did it seem like Frodo figured out the secret of the doors?" he asks. "I made it that Gandalf sat for a while and then he got it."

"I guess they wanted it to seem like Frodo was really great," I offer.

Soon, the sea creature grabs Frodo, and Tolkien frowns. "Why is the sea creature swinging Frodo over the lake in such a hideous manner?" he queries. "I never wrote it so dramatic."

"But that's exactly why they made it like that," I counter. "To be more dramatic."

Then, when they come to the grave of Balin and Pippin makes the skeleton fall, Tolkien gasps. "I know I made Pippin foolish, but I didn't make him that foolish!" He exclaims.

Soon, Gimli has his outburst at the death of Balin and again Tolkien looks upset. "Now what's wrong?" I ask.

"Gimli." Tolkien replies. "He's so undignified. In the book, I wrote 'Gimli cast his hood over his face.' Look at him now."

"But it shows his grief," I tell him. "All movies are like this."

We watch the Fellowship travel through the rest of Moria and I think Tolkien is impressed with the orcs and Gandalf's fall. Then, when they get to Lothlorien, his smile grows even wider.

The movie goes on through Boromir's death. Then comes the scene where Sam drowns trying to come to Frodo and Tolkien is aghast. "What?" is all I say.

"I suppose you'd say it was more dramatic to have an underwater shot of Sam drifting aimlessly with his hair billowing out," he says.

We watch Frodo and Sam row away and then it is over. I look at Tolkien. "Well?" I question.  
Tolkien hesitates. "Not too shabby," he responds. "Not too shabby at all. Now, about those special features..."

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	2. The Two Towers

The next morning, we prepare to watch "The Two Towers"

The next morning, we prepare to watch "The Two Towers". Tolkien has somehow acquired a pipe and tobacco, and so is quite happy, but rather apprehensive about what is to come.

I pop the DVD into the drive. "I still don't understand how that thin circle can hold 3 hours of movie," Tolkien murmurs.

"Technology." I respond.

I begin the movie. We watch the Balrog scene, and Tolkien's eyes widen. I explain how the movie will jump around from Frodo and Sam to the rest of the Fellowship and back again, unlike the book, which was in two parts. Tolkien nods, seemingly unperturbed.

Soon, Gollum appears. "Hmmm," Tolkien observes. "He looks about right, but the large blue eyes could almost be cute. Maybe yellow would have been better."

"Maybe," I murmur. "Perhaps red!"

Then the focus shifts to Merry and Pippin. "I bet the makeup people had fun making Merry's ghastly eyebrow," he comments.

"I'm sure they did," I reply.

Tolkien leans forward. "The orcs have lower-class British accents! How interesting. But they don't sound harsh enough. You could almost get to like them."

The Riders of Rohan attack. The Riders come and meet the three hunters. Tolkien smiles as he realizes they are saying the same lines as in the book.

The movie travels to the Dead Marshes. Frodo falls into the bog. Tolkien is aghast. "Frodo is both young AND foolish!" he exclaims. "The straight-forward fall is rather unrealistic!"

I give the customary response. "I guess they thought it would be more dramatic."

"VERY dramatic!! Why is it so long before he gets rescued?"

"Slow motion enhances the drama," I explain.

"Ah," says Tolkien and blows a smoke ring.

After a bit, Sam falls off the rock near the Black Gate. Tolkien simply stares and shakes his head.

He likes how Treebeard looks and sounds.

The three hunters enter Fangorn Forest. Tolkien laughs. "They have given Gimli interesting powers. Not only does he taste blood, he can tell it is orc blood!"

Gandalf appears, and Tolkien smiles. "Yes, he looks just right! Different, and yet the same."

He likes all the events and characters at Rohan and the dramatic change of Theoden.

Then, the people of Edoras leave for Helm's Deep. "It seems to be going well," says Tolkien. "Eowyn and Theoden look right. They even have Hama."

Then Aragorn has his vision. "Mmm," Tolkien comments. "I like the emphasis on Arwen's choice to be mortal. But what is all this with Elrond trying to stop Aragorn?"

"More dramatic," I explain.

Then the people of Rohan are attacked by the wargs. "Well, they look okay," he says. "But they're not very wolflike." Then Legolas makes his surreal leap onto the horse. "Elves are nimble, but I don't believe I gave them the ability to FLY."

Then it comes, Aragorn's fall. Tolkien is momentarily stunned. Then as the riders come to Helm's Deep, he slowly realizes. "I don't believe it. They killed off Aragorn. Now I suppose they'll make Legolas king of Gondor. And Arwen will marry Gimli. I feared it would be so."

"Be comforted," I tell him. "Movies of today delight in near death experiences. He'll be okay."

It shows Aragorn floating down the river and coming on the shore. "Oh, did you know the actor almost drowned while filming this scene?" I comment.

Tolkien's head raises. "Well, that's what happens when you try to put in extra scenes. I guess this thing with Arwen rescuing him with elven powers does work though. Kind of like Beren and Luthien."

He laughs at the humor between Gollum and Sam when Sam makes the rabbit stew and enjoys it that they mentioned the oliphaunts.

Then Faramir captures the hobbits and Gollum. He doesn't seem too disturbed when Arwen leaves for the ships, realizing the movie is only trying to give Arwen more of a part.

Aragorn returns and it finally comes: Helm's Deep. I immediately warn Tolkien that it will be extremely long and detailed. He braces himself for what is to come. Then his face shows surprise. "What on earth is happening! Elves are coming?! Haldir is their leader?"

"Yes," I say. "I think they wanted a chance to show more elves."

He likes how Legolas and Gimli do their counting of the deaths, like in the book. But as Helm's deep goes on and on, he grows apprehensive. "If this is Helm's Deep, something that took up one chapter in the book, what will they do to the battle of Pelennor Fields? Will it be made into a whole separate movie?"

"Actually, Pelennor Fields is only a bit longer," I mention.

Soon, Haldir dies. I look over at Tolkien, who seems to have died himself. "I can't think of a single reason of why they made that happen," he moans. "And they increased the torture with much slow motion and elongated breaths. And all that happened was that an orc hit his hand!"

He thinks all the ents look really good, but he doesn't approve of how Treebeard seems to need much urging from the hobbits before attacking Saruman. "I more enjoyed the idea of him finding the anger within himself."

Finally, Helm's Deep is over and he sighs with relief. Then the ents attack Isengaard. He nods happily as turrets fall and the river flows.

He likes Ithilien, but not how Faramir seems all evil and threatening. "He was tempted, yes," Tolkien explains. "But not quite to that extent."

He likes how it had the conversation where Frodo and Sam talk about how they might be put into stories. But when it ends, he is a bit bewildered. "What about the palantir? What about Shelob?!"

"It will come in the next movie," I reassure. "So, what did you think?"

"It was good. Quite good."

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	3. The Return of the King

The new day comes

The new day comes. Tolkien comes in. He looks tired, since he spent the entire night contemplating the wonder and horror of the movies. He is eating a hobbitish breakfast of mushrooms and tomatoes.

I insert Return of the King. Immediately, Tolkien draws back from the screen as the horrible writhing worm appears. "Interesting way to begin," he observes. It goes through the Smeagol and Deagol story. Tolkien smiles. "This is wonderful. I'm glad it's in here. And the actor looks like Gollum!"

"That's because he is...sort of," I explain. "They distorted his face with computers." Tolkien is slightly mystified but remains silent. Deagol falls in the water and Tolkien grimaces as hair billows, cheeks puff, and bubbles rise.

"Worse than Sam's drowning," he murmurs. "Are the bubbles flowing from his mouth when he sees the ring meant to signify surprise?"

"Of course."

Smeagol kills Deagol as Tolkien watches with much interest. Then Gollum goes through his transformations. "Strange," says Tolkien. "Gollum looks so much worse in his transformations than he turns out at the end."

"True," I agree. "But for some reason they wanted him to look mildly cute at the end."

"Terrible," says Tolkiens. "He was supposed to be hideous." The movie goes to Frodo and Sam. "How fascinating that Sam eats so little, yet loses no weight. I suppose that was too much for the actor."

"I think so. But Frodo in his listless horror covers for both of them in showing how the journey takes a toll on them," I comment.

Tolkien chuckles when Merry and Pippin are found at Isengard. "Very hobbit-like! And finally, they include the palantir! I hoped they would."

In the night, Pippin steals the Palantir. Tolkien thinks it is okay but comments on the complete uselesslness of Merry sitting in a corner chanting "Pippin. Pippin!" to no avail. "Why doesn't he help him?" Tolkien mourns. "It makes them seem not very close. Instead, Aragorn grabs it and convulses for a few seconds!"

Then comes Arwen's vision. "You see," I explain. "They really try to enlarge Liv Tyler's part to add a feminine element."

"I suppose it's alright," Tolkein says. "The vision is quite intriguing. But all this drama of her leaving probably cuts into the rest of the story."

Then comes Pippin and Denethor, "Aaah," goes Tolkien. "Denethor. Quite well done, I must say, though he was slightly less evil in my book."

Then Frodo, Sam, and Gollum come to the stairs. "Mmm, the Dead City," says Tolkien. "Passible, but there was really no need for that green plume of fire."

"The tech people probably enjoyed it," I commented.

Then Pippin lights the beacon and Tolkien enjoys how it shows all the other beacons being lit. "Fascinating," he observes.

Rohan sees the beacon and prepares to ride. The next scene is in Denethor's hall as Denethor commands Faramir to retake Osgiliath. "This part is well done," Tolkien says contentedly. "It really captures Denethor's nature. Pippin didn't have to struggle so hard to say his oath though."

Then it shows Osgiliath. Tolkien winces when he sees the head orc. "Ughh," he says. "His head is like a brain."

It goes to Frodo, Sam, and Gollum. "The stairs are well done," Tolkien comments. Then the hobbits go to bed.

"Aaahh," says Tolkien. "Why are they sleeping on the ledge with their toes hanging over the edge? What if they rolled over in their sleep? I don't think the hobbits would be quite so foolish as to sleep in such a dangerous manner."

"But it looks so dramatic." I protest.

Gollum throws the lembas bread off the edge and Frodo sends Sam away. Tolkien is clearly very upset. "This is horrible," he mourns. "Frodo would have never done this, never. Sam was always his loyal servant. Why would Frodo trust Gollum over Sam?"

"Well, it's supposed to be really great when Sam comes back." I try to explain.

Tolkien shakes his head. "It doesn't work."

Then Pippin begins his song. "Interesting," says Tolkien. "Denethor is eating disgustingly. It really does show his character though." Still, he can't help cringing when the baby tomato burst in Denethor's mouth. "Nice song," he remarks.

The next scene is at the camp of the Rohirrim. Aragorn and Theoden stand on the extremely high cliff. "These people really enjoy enormous heights." says Tolkien.  
Then Elrond comes. "This is rather strange." Tolkien observes. "I never had this. Aragorn's nightshirt is interesting."

Elrond explains that Arwen is dying. " But I never had Arwen dying," says Tolkien. "This is overly dramatic." Then Elrond gives Aragorn Anduril.

"That sword is a bit too long," Tokien remarks. "It looks like it might snap in half."

Then Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli go into the Paths of the Dead. "This is well done," Tolkien says. "Legolas's arrow has an interesting fate. I think he would know that he couldn't hurt the ghosts though."

"Well, the tech people just thought it looked cool." I say.

Soon the orcs march to Gondor and the battle begins. "Beware," I warn Tolkien. "Helm's Deep is nothing compared to this. It shall go on forever."

"I might have guessed it." Tolkien murmurs. He watches the battle. But when Pippin and Gandalf have their discussion, he nods. "Very meaningful."

Meanwhile, Sam makes his way down the mountain. He does his slow motion fall. Tolkien cringes, but does not speak. Frodo goes into the tunnel. "Ah, finally," says Tolkien. "Shelob. I have been waiting for this." Shelob appears. "Mmmm," says Tolkien. "Pretty good."

Then Gollum returns. Tolkien remarks that it shows well the last chance Gollum had to become good and how he gave it up. Then Frodo has his Galadriel vision. "Oh, that works quite well," says Tolkien. Shelob bites Frodo and froth appears at his mouth. "Uggh," is Tolkiens only remark.

Then Sam returns. "I like how it shows the light of Elendil." says Tolkien. "Frodo sure looks gruesome enough."

The Rohirrim arrive at Pelenor Fields. "Many of those horses are digital," I remark as horses collapse. Presently, Faramir is almost burned.

"Well, I didn't exactly have Pippin saving him," says Tolkien. "But it seems pretty good." He chuckles as the flaming Denethor falls off the tower.

"I know," I say. "Very dramatic. I wonder where he landed?" Later, Eowyn has her encounter with the WitchKing.

"I'm a little disappointed by his death," says Tolkien. "His spirit was supposed to come shrieking out of him as he burst apart. In this, he looks like there was a vacuum inside him or like someone punched a hole in a blow-up pool!"

Then the battle is won and it shows Frodo and Sam again in the tower. "This is quite good." says Tolkien. Then the Eye looks at Sam and Frodo. Frodo does his terrible slow motion crumple. "Hmmmph," goes Tolkien. "That doesn't seem physically possible, the way he fell. The attributes of the fall reflect that of a linen doll."

Soon, the army is marching to the Black Gate. "Why is there no Mouth of Sauron?" says Tolkien. "He was a good character."

"They cut him," I explain. "Who knows why?"

"Aragorn's hair looks bad in this scene," I mourn as Mordor is emptied of its army and the battle at the Black Gate begins.

Frodo and Sam stagger to the edge of Mount Doom, but it is too much to handle for Frodo and he slips the ring on his finger. "That was well done," observes Tolkien. "The evil smile of Frodo before he puts the ring on is quite perfect." Then Gollum returns and has the fight with the invisible Frodo. Tolkien seems to be enjoying it but then frowns as both Frodo and Gollum fall into Mount Doom.

"This is stupid," said Tolkien. "Gollum was dancing with joy at regaining the ring and that is how he fell. I had none of this Frodo almost falling in too. Hasn't Frodo been through enough already? Why is it not sufficient that Frodo's finger was bitten off and he and Sam escape? MUST he fall in as well and almost die?"

"But it is so dramatic…" I trail off and Tolkien merely gives me a stare. Meanwhile, Mordor crumbles and we return our eyes to the screen.

"Well, this is rather nice," Tolkien admits as Frodo and Sam reminisce about the Shire, but he becomes puzzled as the screen fades to black. "This is where they chose to end it?" he says incredulously, but he has hardly finished the sentence when the movie comes on again. He sighs in relief. "That was slightly strange." Then the eagles rescue Frodo and Sam.

Frodo wakes up in his bed and Gandalf greets him. Tolkien frowns. "This is more than a little uncanny," he observes. "What cause have they to laugh?"

"I haven't the faintest idea," I say. "And the laughs sound rather fake as well. And why is Legolas wearing a suit seemingly made of foil?"

"I know not," says Tolkien. "But I really do like the look on Sam's face when he sees Frodo."

Again it looks like the movie is over, but soon Aragorn's coronation is in full swing. "Uggh, that red turtleneck on Aragorn just doesn't do it for me," I observe.

"Never mind that," says Tolkien. "What I am concerned about is that it never showed anything about the romance between Eowyn and Faramir at all, save one shot where they merely stand beside each other like they are friends. Why couldn't they spare one second to have him put his arm around her or something?"

Once again the movie appears to be finished, but that is not to be! The hobbits are soon back in the Green Dragon. "This is quite good," says Tolkien as Sam rises to meet Rosie and it quickly fades into their wedding.

AGAIN the movie seems to be drawing to a close, but then it shows Frodo finishing his book. ONCE MORE the movie appears to be over, but a new scene begins as Frodo and Bilbo travel to the Elven ship. Tolkien seems slightly agitated. "The journey took about two years in all. Why does Bilbo have an acute case of Alzheimer's?"

"Maybe the movie-makers weren't sure how to make him react to Frodo destroying the ring." I suggested. "So they took the easy way out. Alzheimer's disease."

Soon, they are at the port of the Elven ship. Tolkien points out that he likes Galadriel's last smile, but that Frodo's looks rather forced. Tolkien turns as the movie seemingly ends, but soon discovers that it is once again not over.

"Oh, well, I'm glad they put in my last scene," he concludes as Sam shuts the hobbit door. "It ends on a lighter note." Pretty soon the credits are starting.

"Well?" I question amidst strains of Into the West floating through the room.

"It was interesting," said Tolkien. "And some parts of it were really quite good. It stuck to the plot rather well, but some of the time wasted on extra stuff could have been devoted to things that they missed. But it had its good moments. Is that all? Can I go back where I belong now?"

"Not just yet," I chuckle. "We're going to log into to some of the fan-fiction sites on the Internet. I'm sure you'll be….entertained."


End file.
